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inspiration, life, motivation

Life is better when you find your cheerleaders

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Life is often tough, in many different ways. Self-doubt, economic struggle, confusion, emotional pain, lack of motivation. They all suck. They all help to convince you that whatever your goal is it is unobtainable.

 

That’s where cheerleaders come in. Not quite the ones with the pompoms although, you know, each to their own, but the ones who are there on the sidelines, giving their all to help you move onwards to where you want to be.

 

I was literally writing this post and chatting at the same time (because we love to multitask) to writing friends on Twitter. We were talking about trying to get lots of different tasks done and how its always such a balancing act. What happened next is an example of why I love this community and how important the cheerleading squad is:

 

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The writing community on Twitter is a vibrant and wonderful place! The @WriteFightGifClub is a group of amazing people who have fun and go crazy but at the same time they help with writing questions, beta read for each other, and give both emotional and practical encouragement on a regular basis. I am a happier person and a better, and braver, writer because of them. There are many amazing writing communities and groups on Twitter and finding your tribe, your group of people, or collecting them all (like pokemon) makes for a wonderful extended family of cheerleaders. Writers understand self doubt. They’ve experienced rejection and setbacks. They want to learn, they want to get better, and they want to help others get better. I’m sure it’s the same for many other likeminded communities on Twitter, but I do have to say that writers, in my experience, are particularly kind and welcoming.

 

It doesn’t have to come from someone who is doing the same as you either. I have a friend at school who knows I’m writing. I’ve been trying to get up at 5am every morning to get writing done before school and this hasn’t been easy for me as I’m much more of an owl than a lark. Whenever I see him he asks if I did any writing that morning; he high fives me when I do well, he listens with interest to my ramblings about my story, he makes it clear that he thinks what I’m doing is worthwhile and that I’m doing it well. He’s not a writer, but because he’s cheering me on he makes me feel like I can do it, like I want to do it.

 

Encouragement gives us a reason to keep going.

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Cheerleaders are like gold. There are always people who will tell you that you can’t do it, or helpfully point out all the obstacles in the way. The ones who lift you over the obstacles or pick you up out of the mud when you fall off them and cheer you on as you try again (or let you cry on their shoulder for a bit when you really just can’t, and then cheer you on) are the ones you want to surround yourself with. I have written before about facing vulnerability and fear and the importance of letting other people help you when you are faced with difficulties you don’t think you could overcome.

 

The great thing about having a cheer squad is that you become a cheerleader too. There is something wonderful about being able to support and help someone else. As a teacher we do it all the time with our students, and there is a wonderful Ted Talk by Rita Pierson – Every Child Needs a Champion that outlines the benefit to children of this cheerleading, this championing. But we need it too as adults. And we need to make sure we give it to other adults, whoever they are and whatever stage they are at.

 

Imagine a world where every person had a champion.

 

We can’t make that happen for everyone, but we can at least do it for the people around us. Take the time to find out what your friends, family, workmates are wanting to achieve, what they love, what they are anxious about. Make the effort to ask how they’re going and to cheer them on from the sidelines.

 

Find your cheerleaders. Be a cheerleader. Be a champion.

 

 

life, Personal

Juggling Life Demands Isn’t Always Easy – aka oops I’ve been a bit quiet blogging…

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This past week I went back to school after the summer holidays. To teach, luckily, not as a student. I think it’s less stressful as a teacher, regardless of all the organising etc. Students, especially the little ones, are freaking out quietly that they’re going to do the wrong thing, they won’t know anyone, their teachers will be mean, all that stuff.

That said, teaching in that first week is hard work. Most of it is spent trying to remember 150 new kids names and, often, a whole lot of new staff members’ names too. Your classes have not met you before (except for those dreams of classes where you’ve taught nearly everyone and those are easy peasy) and a lot of the first weeks are spent convincing them that a) they made the right choice choosing this subject and b) you’re a great teacher. They need to learn how to behave in your classroom, what your personal expectations and boundaries are, and you need to learn 150 kids’ preferences, backgrounds, obstacles, strengths, attitudes, and social skills.

It’s tough.

This is all to say that this last week I’ve been quiet on the blog front because I’ve been back to work, beta reading two manuscripts for friends, and continuing with my own writing. It’s tough to juggle it all. It will get easier once school evens into a routine and everything becomes (mostly) what you expect.

I used to feel terrible when I sucked at juggling life, but now I give myself the same understanding I give others – juggling is pretty difficult. I think we can all agree on that! At the moment I’m trying to juggle chainsaws when I’m really only skilled enough to do tennis balls.

The thing about juggling is that, with all things, it gets better the more you have to do it. The more you practice. So my goal for this coming week is to get the balance a bit better so that all the things I want to do (oh, and the vacuuming too I guess. and dishes) get done, and the blog returns to a bit more of a rhythm. Thanks for sticking around!

How do you cope with juggling life demands? Let me know your handy tips in the comments!

Funny, life, Personal

The True Tale of the Possum and the Policeman in the Night-time.

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My old flat in Wellington had three bedrooms, one of which had an unused fireplace. One night, about 2 in the morning, I was woken by my flat mate screaming and the sound of slamming doors.

 

My other flat mate and I raced out of our rooms to see her, a trembling mess, cowering in the hallway in her pyjamas.

 

“A possum just fell down my chimney!”

 

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Half awake and trying to figure out how to get a terrified and feral possum out of her room I suggested that as her room had two doors, they could open the other one and I could try shooing it out from one end of the room to the other.

 

This was vetoed on the grounds that the possum might attack.

 

…I know. But now that I’ve shrieked and jumped and run out of the room when a mouse ran out of my cupboard I have more sympathy. Anyway…

 

We had a quandary. Who do you contact in the middle of the night to rid you of a possum problem? We looked in the yellow pages (this was well before smart phones and we had no access to YouTube tutorials on pest removal) but none of the pest removal companies were 24/7

 

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It was nearing 3am at this point. We didn’t want to call the fire service, no matter what they say about fire fighters getting cats out of trees, because this was at the time of the Wellington Arsonist and we didn’t like to burden them with possum trouble.

 

Suddenly I had a genius idea. “The police will be awake!”

 

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I know. It was 3am. I wasn’t thinking clearly. You will be happy to know we didn’t ring 111. We rang the local police station.

 

Police phone operator: how can I help?

 

Me *extremely embarrassed’: hello, okay, I’m sorry to bother you but a possum fell down my flat mate’s chimney and we don’t know how to get it out and we were hoping you could tell us who to call…

 

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Police phone operator: *uncontrollable laughing* just wait and I’ll see if I can find you a number

 

There was more laughter in the background and then she came back on the line

 

‘Some of the guys are here so I’m sending round a patrol car’

 

Me *dying from embarrassment and barely able to speak above a whisper*: omg. Thank you.

 

Now, it might have been 3am but all three of us made sure our hair was brushed and our jammies buttoned properly before we opened the door to a very handsome young policeman.

 

He went into the room and walked around for ages, we could hear furniture shuffling and some rustling. He came back out. Without possum.

 

‘There’s no possum’

 

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We stared at my flat mate who swore hand on heart it had been there.

 

The policeman laughed. ‘Yep, it was definitely there, you can see its sooty footprints everywhere. It must have gone back up the chimney’

 

He was right. On the floor, her white bedspread, and by the door were tiny little black footprints.

 

The policeman left with a smile, waving off our apologies. We went back to bed. We never saw the possum again.

Fin.

 

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Friday Feeling, happiness, inspiration

Friday Morning Positivity Boost

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Dropping in on your Friday morning like a puppy with some love and some wise words. (Puppies don’t talk but if they could I think they’d have heaps to teach us).

 

Sometimes you have the tough days. You don’t even know why your mood suddenly drops – thinking back over your day it was okay. Well. They did give you a mocha, not a flat white and had to remake it when you were already late. Oh! and you were rushing to work and traffic was everywhere you wanted to be. Ah, and you realised your bank balance was a lot lower than it should be. Rain. Okay. Those are all reasons. BUT the actual day was okay. In fact, some bits were nice.

 

I had that day yesterday.

 

This morning I reflected on my day yesterday and realised – sure, there were some tough bits but on the whole I had a really nice day. I was really mostly just super exhausted.  I put myself to bed last night like a tired toddler screaming because it was all just too hard.

 

Sleep helps.

 

When we’re having the tough days there are two ways to deal with it. One is to just try and ride it out. Realise that there doesn’t even have to be a reason for the low mood – sometimes you have a bad mood and it just is. (or you need sleep. sleep is important). The other is to consciously step back and think about all the good things that happened, even if they were small.

 

A student was super happy to see me and say hello.

 

Someone brought me a coffee back from their lunchbreak.

 

I managed to squeeze some writing in during the day.

 

I got lots of super affectionate snuggles from my boys.

 

My friends are lovely and entertaining people who make my day so much nicer.  They also had my back when I was running late.

 

Perhaps if I’d been able to consciously step back and think about these things yesterday, the bad mood might not have taken such hold. So that’s my goal for today – focus on the things that make me happy. Relish those moments.

 

And if that doesn’t work, I just have to remember something very important.

 

IT IS FRIDAY!

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That’s right! It might not be Friday yet in most of the world but for us lucky Kiwis it is. And trust me, we’ll be sliding into that Friday day like we own it.

 

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So if you have a bit of a rocky start today, just remember – you’re not alone, it’s Friday, and Friday is for happy.

 

Have a fantastic day.

 

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happiness, inspiration, life, Personal

Silly Play All Day – How silliness helps you adult

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Do you remember how old you were when you stopped playing? Chances are it was about 13 or 14, the cusp of teenagerhood when you sometimes played with the little kids and mostly started hanging out with the adults or in your room. Playgrounds became places to hang out, rather than run around and play. Any play had to be done ‘ironically’, or online in video games. Kids come into High School and wonder where the adventure playgrounds are and six months later they are ‘hanging out’ with the best of them.

This is no bad thing. It’s a part of figuring out your growing identity.

What I think is a shame is how silly play is then often frowned on after a certain age.  “Act your age”. “Don’t be ridiculous”.  Every so often at school the boys (sometimes girls) start playing tag, or manhunt, or some other version of chase. Mostly this isn’t a problem (we have a big school) but when it’s the huge 17 and 18 year old guys crashing around wildly laughing and not noticing the little 12 year olds trampled underfoot then the silly police (us) have to step in.

“Aw Miss! we’re just having fun!”

“Sorry kids, not here. Take it out to the field.”

This is an age where we learn about appropriate times and places for fun. It’s a good lesson. But it is also a shame in some ways.

 

The playing adult steps sideways into another reality

– Erik H. Erikson

 

Play is really important. We know this and protect it in our children’s learning times in a way that many other historical eras didn’t, and in ways that places with less privilege can’t do to the same extent. Play does lots of good moral stuff like teaching you how to share, how to take turns, but imaginative play in particular can also teach you empathy. It can give you a chance to become someone else for a while and to explore different parts of your identity.

My youngest son likes to play on the computer a lot at the moment. I think it is something to do with the suddenly big age gap between him and the oldest, who is entering that teenagedom I spoke of before. I’ve noticed that when he gets really into whatever roblox game he’s playing (usually something to do with cars or a shop) he starts whispering to himself. I recognise this. I did it with dolls, or outside in the garden on my own. Even though the game is not a role playing game, he is creating his own world as he plays. This is the power of play for kids, but also for adults.

There are adult based play activities available – such as the escape room, paintball, laser tag. But play doesn’t have to be based around those things. Play can simply be being silly.

And silly is important.

We have a staff fun day out every year where we do fun activities – things like mini golf, beach cricket, caileigh dancing, and on one memorable occasion we did zorb soccer. I get claustrophobic and hated not being able to see people behind me knocking me down, but being part of a group and running around and (KEY THING) being ridiculously SILLY made me incredibly happy. You bounce off other people’s happiness (in this instance quite literally) and it forms stronger connections and boosts your own morale.

Silly helps.

One of the things I love most about my colleagues is their level of silly. I best say here that silly doesn’t interfere with professionalism, it doesn’t affect at all the way you do your job. In fact, if anything, I’d argue it makes you more able to do your job well.  Nerf gun battles. Ambushes. Kazoo duck quacking. Making posters of each other and ‘decorating’ desks. Singing. Dumb jokes. All this silliness creates an atmosphere where happiness happens and people feel positive about where they are. We become friends, not just workmates. Laughter releases stress. Students come in to hand in work and then say later ‘Your department always seems so happy. I like going in there.”

What matters to me is not that this helps people to be better workers (which I believe it does) but that it helps us to be happier people, it lifts our wellbeing.

When you’re a parent, or are around kids, and they want to play with you, sometimes it’s just not the right time, or you’re tired, or you just want to have time to yourself. But when you play, when you really play and unleash your silly, magic can happen. My sons recruited me to play in their nerf war. I wasn’t that keen but said yeah okay. Then a little tendril of silly came out. I became a double agent and ‘stabbed’ one boy in the back then stole his gun. The expression on my kids’ faces when they realised that mum was playing along with them was worth all the missed feet up coffee in hand time in the world. Being around kids does give you an excuse to be silly. You can start singing a screechy song and do silly actions and you’ve got an excuse. You can change every fourth word in a story book to ‘fart’ at bedtime reading and you’ve got an excuse (yes I did this, yes their reactions were everything you would most desire, and yes it went on waaay too long). The point is, when we can do that silly for ourselves and let other people be silly even if they are ‘grown up’ I reckon we can be happier.

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There’s a group of writers on Twitter with whom I have long hilarious gif filled conversations. They are the epitome of silly. They’re also incredibly supportive and generous with knowledge and very talented people, but the reason people keep being drawn into their vortex is the silly. You can play act and take on roles and voices and it’s like a big improv or kids playground romp. It made me realise how important that silly is to me and how much it helps me with everything else in my life.

Adulting is hard. It is full of bills, cats who don’t like the cheap catfood, rushing, oh my goodness always rushing to school to work to home to appointments to gym to socialising.  It is full of chores. It is not full of sleep. It is not always full of fun. I know no-one said life had to be all about having fun but man, when you think about it – if we get 90 odd years to be on this planet and only in 12 of them do we get to be silly and have fun whenever, well that seems like a big waste to me.

Silly helps the adulting go down.  It’s a lot easier to cope with all the grown up demands if you get to have time to play as well, whatever form that play takes.

So this week, think about what you want to do to introduce some playtime into your life and let your silly out!

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