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inspiration, life, Personal, self care

The ‘brooding wings’ of Loneliness

Clementine Fraser

lonely woman“Loneliness will sit over our roofs with brooding wings” – Bram Stoker.

 

I was feeling down the other day. When that happens I often have no problem chatting to friends about why, but this time I felt the tight protective feeling that means BIG EMOTIONS are being felt, squashed, and I’m not sure I want to face them. I didn’t even really know why I was feeling so down (ok, I was sick, busy, stressed – probably enough reasons) but when I was talking to a friend and saying ‘I’m fine, no really” it suddenly came out. “I just feel really lonely”. Continue reading “The ‘brooding wings’ of Loneliness” →

inspiration, life

What does it mean to live an authentic life?

Clementine Fraser

 

How to live an authentic life? How to be true to yourself? Kids know. They are their authentic selves without thought. So what happens to change us in that?

 

The authentic life, according to my long distant memory of Second Year Philosophy at Uni and Martin Heidegger’s Being and Time, is when you no longer define yourself by das man, but by your authentic, true self. What Heidegger called ‘Being-in-the-World’. He described this as a shift from a preference for distraction and inauthenticity, passivity, conformity, to a passionate embrace of Existenz, of a drive to one’s true possibilities. I have always taken from this that to define yourself by what you do, what your job is, by how you fit into a conforming society, is inauthentic. To be authentic, you have to be able to define yourself truly, and to live with enthusiastic possibility. Continue reading “What does it mean to live an authentic life?” →

Musings on Fiction and Tropes

A good Romantic Trope is a Beautiful Thing

Clementine Fraser

couple love handsThe beauty of romance is that while you know what the ending will be, it’s the journey that matters. This means that the tropes in romance can be reworked and merged and used again and again and it doesn’t have to detract from the story – sometimes it enhances it.  So what are a few of my favourite romantic journeys?

The love triangle is a bit of a staple in some genres, and it’s one I confess I find both exciting and frustrating. I prefer to not be constantly thinking the heroine has chosen the wrong person, and my innate loyalty means I dislike playing people off each other. That said, one of my favourite romances of all time is Bath Tangle by Georgette Heyer. The total mess everyone ends up in is entertaining mostly because you know right from the beginning who will end up with whom. Shakespeare’s Twelfth Night is another such romp. Not so much a love triangle as a love jigsaw puzzle.  Viola’s unrequited love for Orsino struck a chord with me and I relished my performance of her speech to Olivia where she says she would ‘build a willow cabin at your gate’. It is both comical and tragic, but you know from the beginning that she will end up with Orsino. And therein lay its appeal to me. I like to know I’m in for a happy ending.  Continue reading “A good Romantic Trope is a Beautiful Thing” →

inspiration, life, self care

Imposter Syndrome – why it needs to be squashed like a bug

Clementine Fraser

fraudHave you ever experienced that awful feeling that someone, somewhere, is going to discover that you aren’t as smart/talented/employable/beautiful/brilliant as everyone seems to think? It’s an insidious thing and slides beneath the praise and recognition to cut doubt into your mind: ‘they’re so kind to say that, but it isn’t true – what if they find out that I suck?’

 

I’ve noticed this a lot lately in some of my smartest, kindest, best students. Mostly girls. From the outside it can be infuriating – believe me when I say you’re amazing dammit! But I know how it feels from the inside, and it can be very damaging.

 

I don’t know what causes imposter syndrome. I had it once upon a time. I don’t so much anymore, well, not about certain areas of my life. I’m confident I’m a good teacher even though I’m very aware of my failings and those lessons that could have been better planned. But when people praise me or tell me I’m amazing at my job I am super pleased, happy to be recognised, but I don’t feel like an imposter. I used to. I used to feel that people thought I was so smart, and one day they’d discover that I’m no great intellectual.  I don’t know why I thought this. My family is probably the most supportive, encouraging, and affirming group of people you could imagine. The bullying I experienced at school was more about my lack of social inclusion rather than my actual attributes not being good enough. Even at 11, I understood the difference.  I had a huge shock the other day when I realised my youngest son has a form of imposter syndrome. He’s super smart. Like, really smart. He is worried that everyone has said that he’s smart but because he doesn’t feel smart he’s just waiting for his teacher to discover he isn’t really. This has stopped him attempting homework – he gets frozen by the fear of being found to be an imposter.

 

The thing about imposter syndrome is that it warps your perception of reality. Continue reading “Imposter Syndrome – why it needs to be squashed like a bug” →

history

A Dinner Party of Historical Heroes

Clementine Fraser

What if you invited Elizabeth I and Martin Luther King Jr. to dinner, and they didn’t get along? I was thinking about this after one of those ‘who would you invite to dinner if you could have anyone you wanted?’ things. My first instinct for those is always to invite my favourite movie stars – but what if they just talked to each other and laughed at in-jokes all night? No fun. And have you seen the great Late Night with Seth Meyers clip where Jon Snow from Game of Thrones is a very awkward dinner guest? (if you haven’t it’s hilarious: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BabsgCQhpu4) Even fictional characters can’t guarantee you a good time.

 

I started thinking about how I could make this work. I decided to have two dinners (after all, my imagination-my rules right?). Dinner one – historical heroes. Dinner two – fiction favourites.  Ten people on each list. Each person has to be someone I’d want to have a conversation with, and the goal is to arrange a dinner party where everyone would have fun and get along, but also stand out as someone unique with something different to offer. Easy, right?

 

I’m going to start in this blog with my Guest list for Historical Heroes Continue reading “A Dinner Party of Historical Heroes” →