inspiration, life, motivation

The power of living a reflective life

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There’s something about truly knowing who you are and why you behave the way in which you do which is deeply liberating. It loosens the bonds of expectation a little. This past year I have learned to be kinder to myself. The biggest step forward I’ve made in quite some time has been to recognise that I’m not where I want to be in some areas, that I’ve been lacking discipline and motivation, and while making plans to improve that I have not beaten myself up over it. This is kind of a first for me – which is why I see it as such a step forward. Continue reading “The power of living a reflective life”

life, Personal, self care

Getting rid of the ‘I let everyone down’ demon.

let down fourMy stomach churns, my heart pounds, and my chest constricts. Feeling that I’ve let people down, whether I have or not, is in my top 3 most hated feelings.

 

Every so often I have an interaction where I find myself second guessing someone’s reaction – are they unhappy with me? Have I done something? did I let them down in some way? Mostly, of course, they’re locked in their own head and own emotions and it’s got nothing to do with me. But, you know, illogical feelings are illogical. Continue reading “Getting rid of the ‘I let everyone down’ demon.”

inspiration, life, Personal

“If you can be one thing, Be Kind” – the importance of kindness

kind cartoonIn the words of Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson – “Not only do I think being nice and kind is easy, but being kind, in my opinion is important.”

 

I too believe kindness is incredibly important. Kindness is central to the sustainability of our existence. Kindness given without requirement of return, not out of duty but out of feeling. Kindness given in recognition of our shared humanity. Kindness stemming from empathy. Continue reading ““If you can be one thing, Be Kind” – the importance of kindness”

inspiration, life, Personal, self care

The ‘brooding wings’ of Loneliness

lonely woman“Loneliness will sit over our roofs with brooding wings” – Bram Stoker.

 

I was feeling down the other day. When that happens I often have no problem chatting to friends about why, but this time I felt the tight protective feeling that means BIG EMOTIONS are being felt, squashed, and I’m not sure I want to face them. I didn’t even really know why I was feeling so down (ok, I was sick, busy, stressed – probably enough reasons) but when I was talking to a friend and saying ‘I’m fine, no really” it suddenly came out. “I just feel really lonely”. Continue reading “The ‘brooding wings’ of Loneliness”

inspiration, life, Personal

Facing Fear, Acknowledging it, Beating it.

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A month before my 16th birthday, on a school camp, I fell down a mountain.

The mountain I fell down was Mount Doom (alright, Mt. Ngauruhoe but following LOTR filming it’s always Mt. Doom to me). Technically, I started sliding down it on my bum first, but when the snow turned into boulders and I dug my feet in to try and slow down, I flipped, and smashed head first into the rocks. I split my face open – you could see my cheek bone through the hole in my face. I ended up with 11 stitches in my cheek, forehead, and temple – 4 fewer than the man in the hospital at the same time as me who had 15 stitches in the massive wound the rebounding chainsaw had left in his face.  I knew then that I was incredibly fortunate – I hadn’t broken any bones, I still had both eyes, and a helluva story to tell when I got back to school (and hadn’t had to deal with a chainsaw eating into my face).

 

What I didn’t anticipate is how much it would affect me afterwards. When my parents drove down to the national park to pick me up from hospital and camp the day after the accident, I had been with my friends and was feeling cheerful and happy, but on the drive back when we stopped for lunch I refused to get out of the car. I didn’t want anyone to look at me. Your face is so much a part of your identity that when it is misshapen by stitches and swelling and bruises, you feel monstrous. Especially at the age of 15. I was so worried that I’d still look bashed and broken by the time of the school ball and my 16th Birthday. My mother made me get out of the car that day and I’m happy she did. She taught me that strength came in all forms and sometimes you need to be brave so you can see that the stares you dread hold compassion, not disgust. Continue reading “Facing Fear, Acknowledging it, Beating it.”